Yaba Yaba

what? another blog? you must be joking.

Mazel Tov and a rant

with 6 comments

Cory Doctorow and Alice Taylor are, as Clive calls it, out of beta. A big Mazel Tov, and a second one for having it their way. Personally, I think home birth is a bad idea, and I have some private experience to back that, but I’m not here to discuss my private choices or theirs. I’m really happy for them. Every child is a miracle. Childbirth is the most amazing experience in the human repertoire, and we should never take it for granted when it all goes well. My kids are my dearest treasure, and the one thing in my life I am unreservedly proud of. I wish them the same.

One thing pissed me off though, among the many blessings and congradulations, I find FoetusNail who contributes:

Congratulations on her birth and kudos for having a her at home where mommies and babies belong! Born green, live green!

(my emphasis).

So here’s my message to you, FoetusNail: Who the fling are you to tell someone else where they belong? Please detach your backward sexism and puritan family values from any suggestion of “green”, “hip” or otherwise forward thinking ethics.

Mommies belong where they choose to be and how they choose to live.

Daddies belong where they choose to be and how they choose to live.

Babies belong where their parents decide is best for them.

I’ve bloody had it with western family-fundamentalism, where a mum is considered inadequate if she thinks she’s entitled for a life of her own, and a dad is considered a looser if he prefers to spend time with his kids and not with business associates at the local. No wonder women in the UK take off 70% of depression related sick days and at least a fifth are taken by women aged between 35 and 44. What kind of society thinks that an adult person can be content changing nappies and planning the next sponsored pony ride at school coffee morning for 10 years of her life?

You know, in most “primitive” societies, it is perfectly normal for a woman to leave her 3 months old baby with an older relative, or with a decent child care service, and get back to her job. Maybe its time for the west to take a humble lesson in equality and social inclusion.

Written by yishaym

February 4, 2008 at 12:00 pm

6 Responses

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  1. If you didn’t want to discuss it, why even bring it up in such a passive-aggressive fashion?

    Do you think women are smart enough to choose for themselves what to do with their birth and their lives? Your retort is no less patronizing.

    See http://www.pushedbirth.com for an honest look at childbirth.

    Home Birth Advocate

    February 10, 2008 at 3:42 pm

  2. thanks for prompting me to clarify.
    We made a personal choice to have our babies at a properly equipped publicly funded medical facility, and are happy we did so. I respect your choice to have your babies any where and way you want, and expect you to respect mine. Actually, I couldn’t care less where and how you have your babies and I would appreciate if you could reciprocate with a similar attitude. I even don’t mind you using my blog to promote yours. I hope some of my readers will find the information you provide useful.

    My issues was with the suggestions implied by “home, where babies and mummies belong”. that, my friend, is plain arrogant sexism.

    As for my aggression, there’s nothing passive about it.

    yishaym

    February 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm

  3. Dear Yashaym,

    I just discovered your quoting my comment on the birth of Cory’s child. I’m afraid you have completely misunderstood my comment, which is probably my fault.

    First, some background: I am a stay-at-home father of two, married to a very successful hard working mom. At this time, all my friends are quite fulfilled stay-at-home nursing moms. Some of us had babies at home, some in hospital.

    What I meant by my, “…kudos for having her at home where mommies and babies belong!” is exactly what it says and no more, I believe babies should, whenever possible, be born at home. Our first was born at our midwife’s home as ours was being renovated, we were home in four hours. Our second was born at home beside our bed. I cannot even began to express what a wonderful night and morning we experienced. After his birth we all climbed into bed together, where I didn’t stay long as I was still quite excited. So, please jump back up off your erroneous conclusion.

    BTW – You are also underestimating all my friends and me when you ask this question, “What kind of society thinks that an adult person can be content changing nappies and planning the next sponsored pony ride at school coffee morning for 10 years of her life?” First, if you are so forward thinking, it should be her or his life. Secondly, you are talking to such a person; by my calculations I’ve changed roughly 8,000 diapers and hope never to return to work away from home, because believe me when I say it, this is work! Thirdly, I am also a founding member of a small home-schooling co-op. So, jumping to my own conclusion it appears to me you are not finding the beauty in fatherhood you so proudly profess.

    Take Care,
    FoetusNail

    FoetusNail

    July 5, 2008 at 4:59 pm

  4. P.S. I am also about as far from a fundie as one can get. I am a follower of the Dawkins, Harris, Hitchens camp, a proud anti-theist who finds fundamentalism of any flavor abhorrent.

    Peace,
    FoetusNail

    FoetusNail

    July 5, 2008 at 5:07 pm

  5. BTW Yishay – Apologies for misspelling your name. Having checked back a couple of times to see if you’ve had time to reply, I’ve taken the time to look around your blog, nice job. Seems for living worlds apart in more ways than location, we still have quite a bit in common. Also, having had more time to digest your rant, I apologize for that last remark, two wrongs don’t make a right. Take Care

    FoetusNail

    July 7, 2008 at 9:17 pm

  6. Thanks FeotusNail. good thing I was busy, gave us both time to cool off.
    I respect your choices, and I’m happy they worked so well for you. I can see the virtues of home birth, and I’m sure you can understand the advantages of a well-equipped medical facility. We choose to have two kids and two careers, you seem to have made parenthood your career. We’re happy with the choices we made, and you with yours. So, as I said, I’m happy for you.
    Now then, what was all the fuss about? “where mummies and babies belong” implies judgement. It suggests that there is wrong and right, better and worse in parental choice. I mean, yes, of course – choosing to keep your kids in a cellar or sending them to sell drugs is bad. But I think you and I are both well within the realm of good, responsible, caring parenting, and have every right to tell whoever tells us otherwise to flap off.
    I don’t know where you live, but around here its all “mums and babies”, on TV, in the papers, in school. The other day, the teacher invited us to hear how she was going to tackle ‘sex and relationship education’ – do you think there was another dad in the house? So my issue is not with you, and apologies for giving you the raw end of it, its with a society that prescribes that an ideal family has two parents, one male at work, one female at home. All I’m saying is that your model is just as good, as is mine, as are a dozen others. Maybe not so far apart as you thought?

    yishaym

    July 7, 2008 at 11:35 pm


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